Diving monkeys and Ashton Kutcher’s shark.

Can we talk about crazy dreams for a minute?

The past two nights have been filled with terrifying dreams about animals. Were the animals trying to hurt, harm, bite, eat, or chase me? No. But I didn’t trust their motives. Check out these crazy dreams.

On Sunday night, I dreamed that I was filming a documentary with my brother. We were on location in some forest watching the wildlife. We stumbled upon a group of three Capuchin monkeys that were standing in single file, waiting their turn to jump into the river. They looked like they were having a lot of fun.

And then I noticed that they had black and yellow bathing suits on. 

I didn’t think anything of it and remember thinking, “Oh, they must be self conscious with the cameras around”, although they would have had no idea that the cameras were coming. Whatever. We moved on to the next group of monkeys that were about the size of Capuchin monkeys, but had significantly longer facial hair; they looked like old men.

Much like the first set of monkeys, these guys were jumping into the water but the way they did it was so strange. In their hands, they held small, rolled up bread (I think). It looked like a sea shell but I could tell it was mold-able. The old men monkeys took turns jumping into the water, each guy starting by balancing on one foot and holding the roll lovingly next to his face.

After they had all jumped and gotten out of the water, they made their way up a tree and sat on a very thick branch. I even found myself scrambling up there (with a lot more trouble than they had).

Suddenly, I heard a narrator start talking about what they were doing.

“Now that their rolls have been fertilized by the Bayou water, each monkey will turn their roll into hundreds of snakes.”

That’s all it took for me to wake up. The promise of hundreds of snakes.

My dream that I woke up to this morning had a bunch of celebrity cameos.

I was at home, minding my own business, sitting at the kitchen table with Vanessa Hudgens and Ashley Tisdale. All of a sudden, the door swings open and in walks Ashton Kutcher, bear hugging a shark. He laid it on the blue tile and happily announced that he had just caught a nurse shark.

Seemingly unphased by the fact that there was a shark in my kitchen, I quickly corrected him. “It’s actually a black tip reef shark.”

Before I knew it, my house was filling up with water. Again, I didn’t mind that it was happening. My only goal was to avoid the shark. I walked into the living room and found Melissa Joan Hart sitting on the couch playing with her dolphin. I warned her about the shark, but she was sure that the two animals would hit it off so she lead me and the dolphin back into the kitchen.

Even if the shark and dolphin were friendly with one another, I didn’t want to be part of this, so I tried to go into my room. Of course, the black tip reef shark followed me and the last thing I remember was trying to trap it in my room.

I woke up gasping for breath.

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