This morning I woke up feeling icky. Icky, in this sense, meant that I had a headache and a stomachache that made getting out of bed really hard. That may seem like I was sick this morning I thought so too. So naturally I called off work, wrapped myself in my blankets, and went back to bed.
I woke up again around 11am and still had a pretty terrible headache. My stomach felt better but not perfect so I had breakfast and read my book. By the time that was done, my headache was gone, but my stomach was in knots. It was about this time that I realized I was not naturally sick, but I had started what I like to call “The Anxiety Cycle.”
My anxiety always starts off in harmless ways. I think I’m sick and obviously overthink it which doesn’t make it any better (I’m not going to say I’m a hypochondriac but I’m also tend to worry about minor things). Then, once I realize that medicine won’t make me feel better, I start to think it’s anxiety. Then I start trying to identify the problem. Am I worried about work I have to do? Am I worried about something social I have to do today?
After thinking of all of the reasons I’m anxious, I decide to do something about it. I work on things that are on my to-do list. I clean my house. I binge read a book.
And when that doesn’t work?
I realize that most of my anxiety is something I can’t recognize on a regular basis so I’m just going to have to live with it.
So here I am, stuck in the vicious Anxiety Cycle.