Day 19: A Difficult Time in My Life

Overall, I’ve had a pretty awesome life. I’ve traveled a lot, met some amazing people, lived the dream, and found somebody I love.

But it wasn’t¬†always awesome.

When I first moved away from home in 2011, I had a really hard time. I was 3000 miles away from my family, really stressed out, a nervous nelly, and afraid of what was coming.

A little background – I’ve been obsessive compulsive basically my whole life. Since 1st grade, I’ve been an absolute neat freak and worry wart. I always had to have everything clean and organized, vacuuming my room more often than I should have. I would also stay up late at night crying to my stuffed animals about how I thought the house was going to burn down. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen and it was just me overthinking everything. This kind of thing has always been a struggle for me.

Fast forward to age 21 and living alone in a strange city for the first time and it’s like my OCD went into hyperdrive. I started worrying constantly about nothing and thanks to the old man that lived next door to me and accidentally tried to key into my apartment (an honest mistake, I know) my compulsive locking got out of control. I would barricade my door at night with my dining room chair, lock the door almost 200 times before I was satisfied, and would often leave for work but then have to drive right back home to make sure I locked the door behind me.

Of course, after my time in Arizona, I was led to New Orleans. My issues didn’t subside at all, and probably got worse. I would stay up almost all night worrying about the future and coloring (it helped me calm down). At that point, I decided it was time for me to come home and work things out.

I drove back home and spent 4 months going to therapy, hanging out with my parents, and working on myself. It was a really hard decision because I didn’t want to be a useless lump, but I really needed a break. By this time, my anxiety was out of control, my sleeping pattern was seriously messed up, and I was having at least 2 panic attacks a day.

My parents were especially helpful during this hard time. They understood what was going on, did their best to help me out, and supported me. I know it was hard for them too, seeing me so unsteady. I found out later that my mom was also going to see a therapist in an attempt to help me even more. I don’t think she realized how much I appreciated all of her assistance; she would distract me when I was anxious, come lay in bed with me when she would come home from work if I were hiding, and bringing me Spidey when I needed it. My dad did a lot too, making sure that I wasn’t sitting in the house all the time and getting me out in the world so I would stop being afraid of everything.

After those 4 months at home, although I may not have been totally ready yet, I felt comfortable enough to move back to New Orleans after I took a job at Tulane. While I still struggle with anxiety and OCD, I have improved a lot (much thanks to my boyfriend, Bud).

I think I had to go through that difficult time to realize that I am stronger than I thought.

Day 17: The Meaning Behind My Blog’s Name

This will all make prefect sense someday.

That’s what I decided to name my blog over 6 years ago. It took me a really long time to come up with something that I loved and I knew I didn’t want my blog to just be “Carolyn’s Blog.” Initially, I had no idea what I was going to write about. I thought I could make it a journal because I really do have a pretty interesting life (and you must think so too if you’re reading this.

The more I wrote, the more I realized how crazy my life was. Growing up around baseball, traveling, meeting new people, and sometimes just being stumped about what was going on.

One day, while I was binge watching John Mayer videos on YouTube, as one does with their free time in college, I can across a video of John’s daily life. And what was it called?

This will all make perfect sense someday.

I love this title because it’s so true. Life may be really confusing, but someday, you’ll figure out what all of the nonsense was for.

Ta-dah!

I had a blog name and I’ve kept it.

Here’s the video that inspired the name.

 

Day 13: If I Won the Lottery

The lottery is a topic often brought up in our house. My grandma has always played scratch offs and I’ve been yearning to get on Wheel of Fortune one day. We always say, “If I won money, I would”, so maybe it’s time to share with you my plan.

First things first, I would pay off my student loan debt as well as my siblings’. This is an agreement we all have because we are all aware of how much of a burden it is and we’d like to save each other from that.

After student loans, I’d pay off any debts that my parents or Grandma have. Let’s face it; I’m probably the reason they are in debt so I should probably pay them back for it. This would include helping my dad pay off his restaurant and pay off my mom’s house so she can go live with my dad without worrying.

Once all debts are paid off, money would go into savings for future children that I have so they can go to college and not leave $60,000 in debt. I hope that even if I don’t win the lottery, I can get to a place where I can put money away for them.

Other than that, I would splurge now and then on trips to visit family. I wouldn’t change much about my lifestyle because for the most part, I live comfortably. Just getting rid of some of the worries of being an adult would be a complete game changer.

CHlggfrVAAEe4rx