Day 19: A Difficult Time in My Life

Overall, I’ve had a pretty awesome life. I’ve traveled a lot, met some amazing people, lived the dream, and found somebody I love.

But it wasn’t always awesome.

When I first moved away from home in 2011, I had a really hard time. I was 3000 miles away from my family, really stressed out, a nervous nelly, and afraid of what was coming.

A little background – I’ve been obsessive compulsive basically my whole life. Since 1st grade, I’ve been an absolute neat freak and worry wart. I always had to have everything clean and organized, vacuuming my room more often than I should have. I would also stay up late at night crying to my stuffed animals about how I thought the house was going to burn down. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen and it was just me overthinking everything. This kind of thing has always been a struggle for me.

Fast forward to age 21 and living alone in a strange city for the first time and it’s like my OCD went into hyperdrive. I started worrying constantly about nothing and thanks to the old man that lived next door to me and accidentally tried to key into my apartment (an honest mistake, I know) my compulsive locking got out of control. I would barricade my door at night with my dining room chair, lock the door almost 200 times before I was satisfied, and would often leave for work but then have to drive right back home to make sure I locked the door behind me.

Of course, after my time in Arizona, I was led to New Orleans. My issues didn’t subside at all, and probably got worse. I would stay up almost all night worrying about the future and coloring (it helped me calm down). At that point, I decided it was time for me to come home and work things out.

I drove back home and spent 4 months going to therapy, hanging out with my parents, and working on myself. It was a really hard decision because I didn’t want to be a useless lump, but I really needed a break. By this time, my anxiety was out of control, my sleeping pattern was seriously messed up, and I was having at least 2 panic attacks a day.

My parents were especially helpful during this hard time. They understood what was going on, did their best to help me out, and supported me. I know it was hard for them too, seeing me so unsteady. I found out later that my mom was also going to see a therapist in an attempt to help me even more. I don’t think she realized how much I appreciated all of her assistance; she would distract me when I was anxious, come lay in bed with me when she would come home from work if I were hiding, and bringing me Spidey when I needed it. My dad did a lot too, making sure that I wasn’t sitting in the house all the time and getting me out in the world so I would stop being afraid of everything.

After those 4 months at home, although I may not have been totally ready yet, I felt comfortable enough to move back to New Orleans after I took a job at Tulane. While I still struggle with anxiety and OCD, I have improved a lot (much thanks to my boyfriend, Bud).

I think I had to go through that difficult time to realize that I am stronger than I thought.

Day 17: The Meaning Behind My Blog’s Name

This will all make prefect sense someday.

That’s what I decided to name my blog over 6 years ago. It took me a really long time to come up with something that I loved and I knew I didn’t want my blog to just be “Carolyn’s Blog.” Initially, I had no idea what I was going to write about. I thought I could make it a journal because I really do have a pretty interesting life (and you must think so too if you’re reading this.

The more I wrote, the more I realized how crazy my life was. Growing up around baseball, traveling, meeting new people, and sometimes just being stumped about what was going on.

One day, while I was binge watching John Mayer videos on YouTube, as one does with their free time in college, I can across a video of John’s daily life. And what was it called?

This will all make perfect sense someday.

I love this title because it’s so true. Life may be really confusing, but someday, you’ll figure out what all of the nonsense was for.

Ta-dah!

I had a blog name and I’ve kept it.

Here’s the video that inspired the name.

 

Day 14: A Day in the Life

Today’s post challenge is to tell you about my day. What’s an average day like for me? Honestly, after tomorrow, my days will be much different (my last day at Tulane is tomorrow) and my life as a teacher will begin. For now, I’ll give you a quick run down of what my life is like currently on days when we have events (like baseball or basketball games). I’ll update this once I know what the plan is for the school year.

7:30am – Wake up, hit snooze at least once, and finally get out of bed when the cats won’t stay quiet

7:40am – Start getting ready for work

7:50am – Leave for work, sit in traffic, and have a breakfast shake in the car

8:20am – Arrive at work and walk half a mile to my office

8:30am – Check emails, prepare for meetings, and chit chat with everyone in the office

9:30am – Start marking things off of my checklist for the day

12pm – Eat lunch in my office or at the conference table while watching “Cops”

1pm – Start setting up for the event tonight – staging tables, cleaning floors, grooming fields, and making sure food is ordered for the media and students

3pm – Wait for gates to open

4pm – Still waiting for gates to open

5pm – Gates are finally open

6pm – Wait for game to start

7pm – Game time

11pm – Lock up the building and head home

11:20pm – Arrive home

11:30pm – Take a shower and fall into bed

It’s not a glamorous life and I’m pretty excited for something new coming soon!

Day 5: Fears

I’m a scaredy cat. No questions about it. Wanna know what my biggest fears are?

Here:

  1. Storms – I was the kid that slept on the floor away from the windows during really bad storms. I would even sleep in the floor in my parent’s room well into my teens. I would even freak myself out when there wasn’t a storm to the point where I would start saying my goodbyes to my stuffed animals because I was sure I was going to die. I’m still not a huge fan, but I’m better now that I love in a place where storms happen almost everyday. Night lights are still my friends, though.
  2. Scary movies – I have never been a fan of horror films. I always try and them completely fail. I don’t like to see people suffer and surprises aren’t really my thing. Bud likes to joke with me when we see trailers for scary movies and say, “We’re seeing that” and I just give him a horrified look.
  3. Being kidnapped/attacked – I don’t trust people and I’m just so on edge around people I don’t know. If I need to walk faster to my car or pretend I’m not walking to my house to avoid people, I will.

What are you afraid of?

Day Two: My Favorite Quote

If you know me, then you know that I quote movies and TV shows constantly. And it’s usually not well known TV shows or movies, so I usually have to explain them (unless you’re my sister Brittany who always understands my jokes). It’s hard for me to pick my favorite quote of all time, but I think I’ll use the one that helps me out in times of great distress.

“A hug is like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you, give you a squeeze, and all of your fears and worries come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breathe again.”

That quote, my friends, is from one of my favorite shows, “Pushing Daisies.” Bryan Fuller, you’re a genius.

The reason I love this quote so much is because it’s accurate. Considering I was not much of a hugger growing up, (I’m autistic, being touchy-feely is not really our thing) I have come to recognize the effects that a good hug can have on your mood. Knowing that someone is there that feels for you (not necessarily understands but wants to) is a freeing power that hugs provide.

Just thinking about it makes you feel better, right?

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30 Day Challenge: Day 1 – All About Me

Here’s the deal friends. I wish I wrote more. It’s one of my favorite things to do and I haven’t been doing a good job of making sure I take time to do it lately. That is any I’m doing the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. The blogs you’ll read in the next month will be random and opinionated, but hey, it’s my blog; I do what I want.

Today’s post is a simple one. A picture of myself and 20 Lesser Known Facts about myself.

Here is goes:

  1. I use specific colored highlighters depending on what day it it.
  2. I am obsessed with Walmart’s potato salad – ask my boyfriend.
  3. I can’t call my boyfriend by his first name (don’t know why) so I call him “Bud.”
  4. I’m changing my career – I’m going from working in Division 1 Athletics to teaching and I couldn’t be happier.
  5. I named my cats after famous baseball players.
  6. I’ve just recently realized that I don’t like coffee as much as I thought I did – I haven’t finished a whole serving of it in months.
  7. I’ve been wearing the same bracelet non-stop for over 3 years.
  8. I know how to take apart a urinal and put it back together.
  9. I absolutely hate running and no matter how much I want to, I just can’t.
  10. I played rugby in college.
  11. I became obsessed with video games when my anxiety got worse.
  12. I read 52 books in 2014.
  13. I have a Spiderman lunch box that I bring to work everyday.
  14. I hate wearing shoes.
  15. I wish I could write full time.
  16. I still have scars from my chicken pox in 1st grade.
  17. I have 4 main nicknames: Crash, Care, CDeas, and Snuggle.
  18. I’ve had service dogs for my OCD and anxiety.
  19. I’m a compulsive list maker.
  20. I wish I had thousands of followers on my blog.

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