Book Review: Where Am I Now?

You all know who Mara Wilson is, even if you don’t realize it. She is best know for her roles at Natty in “Mrs. Doubtfire” and Matilda in the movie based off of the book of the same name. Based on the information I’ve gathered by following her on Twitter for a while is that everyone had a crush on her at one time.

I waited all summer to read this book and I’m proud to say I was the first person to get the book from the local library.

In her memoir that just came out, she gives us a glimpse into the life of a child actor. It includes learning about new things at a young age (sex, I’m just going to say it, sex), dealing with losing a parent, and finding out that Hollywood may no longer want you.

My favorite chapter was when she writes a letter to the character Matilda and apologizes for hating her at one point. She didn’t realize that the character meant so much to so many people and she isn’t ashamed to be recognized as the little book worm anymore.

What I love about this book is that is dives deep into issues that most people don’t want to talk about. She was diagnosed with OCD at a young age after she read the book “Kissing Doorknobs” and brought it to her father’s attention. Likewise, I realized I had OCD and Asperger’s Syndrome after watching the TV show Parenthood. That’s why it’s important for people to speak up about their mental illnesses. It lets people know they aren’t alone and may make them realize that they need help.

Mara has come to terms with her time in Hollywood, but she’s staying busy by writing and being an active member in the community.

 

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OCD at it’s finest.

I have OCD.

Real OCD. Not the kind that people talk about flippantly.

I am highly medicated and forever bothered by intrusive thoughts, obsessions, and the compulsions that follow.

Take today for example. It was ruined from the get-go.

Wednesdays are my favorite days at work because we get free breakfast. I look forward to my sausage biscuit, chocolate milk, and blueberry muffin. Today, though, there was a surprise.

Someone’s hair was in my biscuit!

Now, I saw the hair before I even picked the biscuit up, but that stupid thing has clung to me all day. I keep having flashbacks to seeing the hair and I am convinced it has somehow gotten into my mouth. I’ve been gagging and cringing all day. So much so that my muscles ache from the tension.

This may not seem like a big deal to most people (the thinking about it all day, not the hair), but thanks to these intrusive thoughts, my entire day has revolved around it. Luckily, I have some great people at work that know that distraction is one of the best things they can do to help me (because drinking 7 water bottles and eating a donut did not help).

I spent some time with the nurse chatting, in the library discussing books, and wandering around campus trying to get my mind off of it.

It may be 13 hours later, and that feeling might still be with me, but thanks to my brother, boyfriend, sister, and friends, I’m starting to feel better.

Tomorrow has to be better, right?

Day 19: A Difficult Time in My Life

Overall, I’ve had a pretty awesome life. I’ve traveled a lot, met some amazing people, lived the dream, and found somebody I love.

But it wasn’t¬†always awesome.

When I first moved away from home in 2011, I had a really hard time. I was 3000 miles away from my family, really stressed out, a nervous nelly, and afraid of what was coming.

A little background – I’ve been obsessive compulsive basically my whole life. Since 1st grade, I’ve been an absolute neat freak and worry wart. I always had to have everything clean and organized, vacuuming my room more often than I should have. I would also stay up late at night crying to my stuffed animals about how I thought the house was going to burn down. Obviously, that wasn’t going to happen and it was just me overthinking everything. This kind of thing has always been a struggle for me.

Fast forward to age 21 and living alone in a strange city for the first time and it’s like my OCD went into hyperdrive. I started worrying constantly about nothing and thanks to the old man that lived next door to me and accidentally tried to key into my apartment (an honest mistake, I know) my compulsive locking got out of control. I would barricade my door at night with my dining room chair, lock the door almost 200 times before I was satisfied, and would often leave for work but then have to drive right back home to make sure I locked the door behind me.

Of course, after my time in Arizona, I was led to New Orleans. My issues didn’t subside at all, and probably got worse. I would stay up almost all night worrying about the future and coloring (it helped me calm down). At that point, I decided it was time for me to come home and work things out.

I drove back home and spent 4 months going to therapy, hanging out with my parents, and working on myself. It was a really hard decision because I didn’t want to be a useless lump, but I really needed a break. By this time, my anxiety was out of control, my sleeping pattern was seriously messed up, and I was having at least 2 panic attacks a day.

My parents were especially helpful during this hard time. They understood what was going on, did their best to help me out, and supported me. I know it was hard for them too, seeing me so unsteady. I found out later that my mom was also going to see a therapist in an attempt to help me even more. I don’t think she realized how much I appreciated all of her assistance; she would distract me when I was anxious, come lay in bed with me when she would come home from work if I were hiding, and bringing me Spidey when I needed it. My dad did a lot too, making sure that I wasn’t sitting in the house all the time and getting me out in the world so I would stop being afraid of everything.

After those 4 months at home, although I may not have been totally ready yet, I felt comfortable enough to move back to New Orleans after I took a job at Tulane. While I still struggle with anxiety and OCD, I have improved a lot (much thanks to my boyfriend, Bud).

I think I had to go through that difficult time to realize that I am stronger than I thought.

My Weekly Schedule

This is a follow up to my last post. That post was about what my days are like when I work events. On nights when I have off, this is what my days look like. Thanks to my OCD, I take this schedule very seriously and take time to update it because of changing interests every 6 months. I even have this printed out and hung on my fridge for reference.

Morning: Night:
Work out Shower and wash face
Eat breakfast Make lunch for next day
Brush teeth Get back pack ready
Floss and mouthwash Pick out clothes
Wash face Do and put dishes away
Do hair Brush teeth
Make bed Mouth wash
Leave for work – no later than 8am Set alarm
Activities schedule for the week*:
Monday:Pizza night
Tuesday: Game night *Based on work schedule
Wednesday: Movie night
Thursday: Personal Development
Friday: Anything can happen
Saturday: Date night
Sunday: Reset Sunday and blog
Monthly to Do:
Sunday Cleaning Day: Vacuum car out
Vacuum Change white board calendar
Take out trash Backup computer
Sweep porch Set goals
Dust Pay Bills
Laundry
Clean out fridge
Organize closet and cabinets Biweekly to do:
Disinfect kitchen and bathroom Clean bedding
Run dishes through dish washer
Finish 1 book

Day 7: What’s in my bag?

I usually don’t carry around bags. I prefer to use pockets when I can, but in the event I have too much stuff to carry, I do break down and get one of my satchels. Because I don’t have a bag prepared at all times for going out and what-not, I thought I’d give you a look at the back pack that I take to work everyday.

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What I love about this bag is that it was free and it can fit all of my stuff for work in it plus more. Here are the contents as of today:

  1. Spiderman Lunch Box – not the same one I used in high school, but similar
  2. Monogrammed wallet – a gift from my wonderful friend Tammy
  3. All-Access Credential – apparently, I’m important
  4. Hydrocortisone packets – bug bites are a serious thing during baseball season
  5. Headphones – for focusing at my desk
  6. Nature Valley Protein Bar – I always need a snack on my way home from work
  7. 2 keys – I’m not even sure what they do to
  8. Prescription meds for anxiety and stomach aches – #ocdproblems
  9. Papers for my coursework as I change into a teaching career – I just finished all of that today, actually

Nothing special. I wish I had more interesting things today, but maybe I’ll write a follow up post with an addition of “What’s in my pockets” because wearing cargo shorts to work everyday usually leads to many weird things ending up in my pockets by the end of the day.

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30 Day Challenge: Day 1 – All About Me

Here’s the deal friends. I wish I wrote more. It’s one of my favorite things to do and I haven’t been doing a good job of making sure I take time to do it lately. That is any I’m doing the 30 Day Blogging Challenge. The blogs you’ll read in the next month will be random and opinionated, but hey, it’s my blog; I do what I want.

Today’s post is a simple one. A picture of myself and 20 Lesser Known Facts about myself.

Here is goes:

  1. I use specific colored highlighters depending on what day it it.
  2. I am obsessed with Walmart’s potato salad – ask my boyfriend.
  3. I can’t call my boyfriend by his first name (don’t know why) so I call him “Bud.”
  4. I’m changing my career – I’m going from working in Division 1 Athletics to teaching and I couldn’t be happier.
  5. I named my cats after famous baseball players.
  6. I’ve just recently realized that I don’t like coffee as much as I thought I did – I haven’t finished a whole serving of it in months.
  7. I’ve been wearing the same bracelet non-stop for over 3 years.
  8. I know how to take apart a urinal and put it back together.
  9. I absolutely hate running and no matter how much I want to, I just can’t.
  10. I played rugby in college.
  11. I became obsessed with video games when my anxiety got worse.
  12. I read 52 books in 2014.
  13. I have a Spiderman lunch box that I bring to work everyday.
  14. I hate wearing shoes.
  15. I wish I could write full time.
  16. I still have scars from my chicken pox in 1st grade.
  17. I have 4 main nicknames: Crash, Care, CDeas, and Snuggle.
  18. I’ve had service dogs for my OCD and anxiety.
  19. I’m a compulsive list maker.
  20. I wish I had thousands of followers on my blog.

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